10 Things Filipinas Hate When Foreign Men Do Them (and How to Fix Each One)

By Maria the Filipina · Updated 7 October 2026 · 10 min read

Why do small mistakes matter so much to a Filipina?

When you do something rude in public, she is the one who carries the shame. We call that feeling hiya. Her neighbors, coworkers and church friends see you with her. Your manners tell them who she is. A small slip you forget by morning, she hears about from her cousin for a month.

Most of the men I have seen make these mistakes were good men. They were not cruel or cheap. They simply did not know the unwritten rules, and nobody told them. So the woman smiled, said "ok lang" (it's okay) and quietly stopped answering his messages. He went home thinking it was his age or his pension. It was neither.

There is one more reason it matters. Some people still assume a Filipina with a foreign man is after his money. When you are calm, modest and polite, you prove them wrong. When you are loud and flashy, you prove them right, even when it is not true.

Below are ten mistakes I see foreign men make again and again. I grouped them by where they happen. The first three groups are about your voice, your money and her country. The last three are about her pace, her family and her phone. Every one of them can be fixed. Most of them cost nothing to get right.

Mistakes with your voice and temper

The two mistakes Filipinas mention most are a loud voice and a lost temper. We avoid open conflict, and a raised voice in a quiet room makes everyone feel it. She feels it most. To her, how you treat a waiter today is how you may treat her family later.

Mistake 1: Being loud with staff

Americans speak louder than Filipinos, and most never notice. Back home a strong voice sounds confident. Here it can sound angry even when you are happy. Calling across the room, snapping your fingers or calling a grown man "boy" or "boss" is heard by every table.

A soft "Kuya, excuse me po" works far better. Kuya means big brother, and po is a small word of respect. Raise your hand a little and catch his eye.

Mistake 2: Losing your temper when things go wrong

Things will go wrong here. The power goes out, the bank wants the same paper three times and the traffic doubles your trip. Many Filipinas grew up with a father or uncle who drank and shouted. When a man raises his voice, something in her goes cold. She stops thinking about the bank and starts wondering what you are like at home.

A man I know once argued with a bank teller for twenty minutes. His girlfriend stepped in, spoke quietly in Tagalog and fixed it in five. He was smart enough to thank her in front of the teller. She told me later that was the day she trusted him.

Mistakes with money

Filipinas dislike two opposite money habits. One is showing off cash and saying how cheap everything is. The other is counting every peso in front of her. Both tell her something about your heart. A good Filipina is not looking for a rich man. She is looking for a fair and steady one.

Mistake 3: Flashing money and saying "it's so cheap here"

A thick wallet at the counter, a gold watch or talk about your pension sends a message you did not mean to send. Neighbors decide she is with you for money. Thieves notice you. Her family feels bought.

"Everything here is so cheap" deserves its own warning. To you it is a happy fact. To her it can sound like "your country is poor and I am rich." A price that looks tiny to you may be a real part of a family's week. Try "This place is lovely" instead. Pay quietly and tip quietly.

Mistake 4: Being stingy in front of her

Splitting the bill on an early date feels cold here, even if it is polite back home. Fighting a fruit seller over a few pesos is worse. Your date is not watching the price. She is watching your heart.

Haggling is normal at small market stalls and with tricycles that have no meter. Keep it light with a smiling "Last price po?" Better still, ask her what a fair price is and let her talk. My guide on Filipino dating customs explains who pays and when. For bigger questions about helping her relatives, see Filipino family and money.

Mistakes about her country

Complaining about the Philippines and ignoring our public customs both tell her you look down on her home. We complain about the heat and the traffic too. When a foreign man does it all day, it stops sounding like small talk and starts sounding like contempt.

Mistake 5: Complaining and comparing to America

The heat, the traffic, the brownouts and the slow internet are all real. Picture a woman visiting your hometown who says all day that the food is bland and her country does it better. You would tire of her fast. That is how "In America we..." sounds to us.

My friend's boyfriend spent a week comparing everything to Ohio. He compared the rice, the beaches and even the sunsets. Before his flight home he asked why she had gone so quiet. She told him gently that Ohio seemed to suit him better. He was puzzled for weeks. She never was. So swap the complaint for curiosity. "How do you all stay so fresh in this heat?" makes her laugh. And when something is beautiful, say so.

Mistake 6: Ignoring public customs

Some of our customs are also law. When the national anthem plays in a cinema or at an event, everyone stands. The Flag and Heraldic Code asks people to stand at attention with the right palm over the chest. Take off your cap and put your phone down. Smoking is banned in enclosed public places and public vehicles outside designated areas under Executive Order No. 26. Other habits she notices:

• Cutting a line, or sighing at the guard who checks your bag at the mall.
• Filming children, vendors or poor neighborhoods without asking.
• Talking about people nearby as if they cannot understand English. Most of them can.
• Giving loud opinions about our politics at a restaurant table.

Mistakes with affection and pace

Rushing is one of the fastest ways to lose a good Filipina. Kissing her in public, pushing for physical closeness early or inviting her to your hotel tells her and her neighbors the wrong story. Most Filipinas are far more careful in public than American women, especially in the first months.

Mistake 7: Rushing her and touching too much in public

Faith is part of it. Hiya is part of it. Gossip is the biggest part. A foreign man kissing a Filipina at the mall makes people whisper unkind things about her, and her family hears every word.

Walking close is fine. Offering your arm at a busy crossing is sweet. Holding hands usually comes after a few dates, when she reaches for yours. Kisses belong in private. An invitation for "one drink" at your hotel or condo should never happen early on. Even if she says yes, she may feel pressured and never tell you.

The same goes for big talk. Raising marriage, moving to America or what she "needs" each month on a second date sounds like a deal. She wants to be courted first. If she lets go of your hand near her church or her street, let go without a word. She is protecting her name. When you let her lead, you are protecting it too.

Patience is not weakness here. Our lolas (grandmothers) like to say that a real man knows how to wait. A man who can wait three dates for her hand looks like a man who will still be there in thirty years.

Mistakes in front of her family

Her family watches how you treat her more closely than anything else. Correcting her, arguing with her or ignoring the elders in front of them can undo months of good work. In the Philippines you are never just dating one woman. You are also auditioning for her parents, aunts and grandmother.

Mistake 8: Embarrassing her in front of others

Never correct her English, her memory or her cooking in front of people. To you it is a small thing. To her family, you just made their daughter small in her own home. Never tease her family's struggles either, even as a joke. And if you are upset with her, wait until you are alone. A couple who argues in front of relatives becomes the family's topic for a month.

Mistake 9: Treating her elders too casually

Calling her mother by her first name sounds friendly to you. To her mother it can sound cold. Use Tita (aunt) and Tito (uncle), Lola and Lolo, or Sir and Ma'am. Wait until they invite you to say Mama and Papa. Greet the elders first. Use po and opo, the small words of respect we use with older people. Do not check your phone while Lola talks. And at family parties, one or two drinks is plenty. A foreigner who gets loud and sloppy in front of the aunts is remembered for years.

My guide to meeting her Filipino family covers the first visit home.

Mistakes on the phone

Going silent for days after a date and flooding her with messages are both mistakes. Silence makes her think there is another woman. A flood makes her friends call you clingy. Jealous checking makes it worse. A steady, warm rhythm of a few messages a day is what she hopes for.

Mistake 10: Going quiet, then going overboard

Some men wait three days after a lovely dinner to "play it cool." By then she has decided he is not interested. Others send forty messages the next day while she is at work with her phone in a locker. She comes back to "Hello?" and "Did I do something wrong?" and feels nervous instead of happy.

A good morning, a short check-in and a good night is about right early on. Match the length of her replies. If she has not answered, send one warm line and wait.

Jealousy is the other phone mistake. Asking for her passwords or demanding photos to prove where she is reads as a red flag to a smart Filipina. Keeping dating apps on your own phone breaks her trust just as fast. And keep every message clean. Her mother may read it, and her friends will see the screenshots.

How do you fix it when you get one wrong?

Notice it early, apologize clearly and add a small gesture. A Filipina rarely tells you in the moment that you embarrassed her. She goes quiet, looks at her phone or says "tara na," let's go. The fix is a sincere private apology, then changed behavior over the next weeks.

When she is hurt she may sulk quietly. We call it tampo. Her messages turn short and polite. She is waiting to see if you notice. If you ask "Is something wrong?" she will probably say "ok lang." Ask once more, gently, and the truth usually comes out.

• Say sorry without a "but." Name what you did and why it hurt her.
• Add a small gesture. Her favorite milk tea delivered to work says more than a giant teddy bear.
• Apologize to the person you offended. If you were short with her aunt, say sorry to her aunt, with po.
• Change the habit. A gesture fixes one mistake. It cannot fix a pattern.

One more thing to know. Filipinas often apologize without the word sorry. After a quarrel she may cook your favorite dish or ask "Kumain ka na?" (have you eaten?) as if nothing happened. That is her apology. Accept it and eat. The men who do well here are not perfect. They are the ones who say "Sorry po, I'm still learning" and mean it. For more on what wins her over, read what Filipinas look for in a foreign man.

Stories in this guide are illustrative examples based on common experiences. Names and details are changed. This guide is educational and is not legal, financial or immigration advice. Rules change, so check with the official source.

Sources

• Lawphil: Republic Act No. 8491, Flag and Heraldic Code of the Philippines
• Supreme Court E-Library: Executive Order No. 26 (2017), Smoke-Free Environments in Public and Enclosed Places

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